At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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