First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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