I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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