I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
