Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
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