Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
