she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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