i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
