Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Randomize
