Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
