You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
