her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
