Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
