yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
