are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
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