I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
