also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
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But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
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I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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