you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Semen is not good for contacts.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Randomize
