wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Randomize
