I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
