You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
