You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I just blew my weed a kiss
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
