I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
