quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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