I think I won the penis lottery.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
