Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
this hospital has no fireball
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
