i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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