ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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