forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
