Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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