Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
