I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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