You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Also, beer. Big fan.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
