idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
