What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Blood and glitter go together right?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
