So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
