The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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