I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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