It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
