so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
