So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's official drugs can't kill me
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Randomize