so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
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