Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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