dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
