We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
