The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
