you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
