those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
we're so committed to being not committed
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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