The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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