I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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