Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
