Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
