i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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