i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
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You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
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If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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