Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
It's shark week go big or go home
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
