I think my vagina is haunted
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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