Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
