I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
