I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
