i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
