Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
