it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Randomize
