I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
