I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
