I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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