I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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