we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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