u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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