why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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