... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
