but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
