There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
