he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Is Oprah even human
I'm like, not good at living.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
