Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
