Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
