I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
be right there i have to get my cape
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Randomize
