If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
