Whoa Z and x make the same sound
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
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