apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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