I wish I could teleport
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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