I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
