Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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