I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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