dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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